So Cute N SpooKy

Monday, May 10, 2010

The NEW Nightmare on Elm st and Pop-Tarts!!

Y'all knew this was coming...sit back and enjoy the bitch fest!

After months of boycotting the new version of my most favortist movie of all time I finally broke down and decided to join my friend Lindsey to see it.  I felt like it was a trip to the dentist.  Many of my friends have seen the movie.  Most warned me against it knowing I would not like it.  Some told me it had its good points.  Those "some" happen to be some of my dearest horror loving friends.  So I opened my mind a little and went for it.  I knew going into it the storyline had changed.  The make-up would be different.  MY ROBERT would not be in it.  I knew the characters had changed.  This upset me enough.  I still figured eh what the hell.  Just don't compare it.  Thats what I kept hearing.  How can one NOT compare it??  Seriously.  It's called "A Nightmare on elm st"  It has FREDDY KRUEGER in it.  It even has good ol' Nancy...IT was to be compared.

On the way to the theater I found a lil pink bunny in the back seat of Lindsey's car.
Score I found a lil friend to hold onto when I felt the nervous breakdown coming on.  I named it Lucifer.  However I was told the bunny is pink and should be referred to as LUCY.  I still called it Lucifer.  So Lucifier, Lindsey and I ventured to our seats and the eating of popcorn began as my nerves were at ease.  The movies opening credits I already didn't like.  We'll start there...yes the staple children playing hopscotch...The opening theme so familiar sounding and yet the cut out the important beats that gave it impact.  Yes I am that damn picky and yes I am that big of a nerd.  The movie starts out in the Springwood diner.  Ok?  Springwood diner..lets see that was introduced in PART4!  With our beloved heroin ALICE.  Ugh...moving on...Some random dude gets killed by Freddy but it looks like he kills himself but slashing his throat.  Umm right who is this guy?  Nancy is introduced.  Who reminds me of Jennifer Love Hewitt from I know what you did last summer...Heather WHERE ARE YOU??  Ok...So some other random boys are thrown in whom we later find out one is Nancy's love interst...No GLEN!  We have a Quinton...Then there's Jesse..ya he's supposed to be ROD...the movie goes on yadda yadda oh yeah forgot about Kris..cute...the blonde yeah I believe she would be this versions TINA...However drama drama Kris is taking on the lead role in the film...She figures out that the scary dude that looks like a damn POP-TART!

 is coming after them in their dreams...Blah snore...Kris NOT Nancy falls asleep in class...Jesse sneaks through her window after her mom leaves to goto work..So  let's see Kris aka Tina alone in the house ok..Jesse aka Rod sneaks through her window to console her and keep her company.  Come on I missed the whole Glen sound effects tape scene!  .Wasn't Glen supposed to sneak through Nancy's window?  And cute Kris is wearing a jersey top just like Glens...Are ya following???  Good lord...So I look at Lindsey and whisper this is the part where she dies on the ceiling..if they do it right (insert giggle here)  So the scene goes HELLO?? Kris is outside looking for her dog...and this of course makes me say "chow chow chow"  Ya thats right Glen outside with Nancy and Tina when they hear a scary sound!  It turns out to be Rod...Anyway Kris screams...The pop-tart killed her dog???  Insert one of the many terrible lines in this movie "I Was just petting him"  Wtf???  Um no...Kris runs in the house which for some reason reminded me of the scene of Drew Barrymore running around the house in Scream.. o.O  She wakes up in bed w/the bf Jesse or ROD if  you will snoring...and boom here comes the POP-TART!

I'm like ok lets do she gets thrown around the room like 10 times and then slashed just once right down the middle and gracefully falls on the bed...I did catch the side angle shot though just like the original when she lands and the bf is all AAAhh nooooo!  Right..ok they got one thing right..for like a half a second...Then he runs away..yay go wanna be ROD!  Cue Nancy the wanna be hippie artist...hello bring back the PINK SWEATER!! Somewhere around here Nancy fell asleep and the Pop-Tart comes through her wall just like the original but worse...yeah...that was supposed to happen at Tina's house btw..just saying but apparently Nancy wasn't invited..oh I meant Kris not Tina..yeah about that..Jesse somehow winds up in Nancy's room o.O  This dude should be fucking spider man...blah blood blah how? blah blah I keep hearing this song 1, 2 Freddy's coming for you...Her mom knocks on the door he bails gets arrested..I laughed a lil when he gets caught totally just like Rod's scene but this time its at night and the cops say "fuck"  nice...not really..he goes off to jail.. but not before he yells YOU KNOW NANCY!!..  Oh the drama snore ate more popcorn...Then we get into the whole quinton nancy thing...Quinton aka Glen and Nancy aka I miss her damn pink sweater...They have a crush on each other figure out the whole we need to sleep but cant thing..then they go through shit at her house trying to find a clue..maybe a scooby snack...they find the class photo mom comes in blah blah you were all sexally molested by the gardner his name was fred how they used the same line from the original however HELLO Boiler room?  Glove?  Nancy's mom wheres your vodka??? quinton gets all retarded and thinks Nancys nuts..Nancy decides she wants to save the world before bedtime and is on the mission to discover the "more to this story" part.  Blah Blah...Quinton falls asleep while swimming and winds up in the past where the parents have tracked down the gardaner pop-tart trap him and burn him, and awww no more gardener.  WHAT??  Quinton wakes up grabs Nancy they find his dad who happens to work in the high school.  Yell back and forth.  The teens think Freddy's innocent and that they lied to their parents about the whole pedaphile thing...They goto get more A.D.D. meds cuz its keeps them awake??  Ummm ok Nancy falls asleep in like Rite Aid gets cut by the pop-tart winds up goin to the shows up they want to sedate her OH NO!  Mom goes to sign..hesitates but does it anyway and poof Nancy's gone with Quinton driving off to find the PRE-SCHOOL they attended with the scary gardaner...Oh ya Quinton stole some "adrenaline" from the hospital to shoot up in the car so he wouldn't "Fall asleep"  Ugh....oh ya I forgot about jesse aka Rod who is in jail..he falls asleep...The pop-Tart throws out some random supposed to be funny will never be Robert Englund's amazing lines and kills him ya claw through the chest? and um 6 mins to play before your brain dies...what???  BRING back the leather jacket!  Ugh...moving on I know I skipped parts oh yeah before Nancy and Quinton run off to Rite Aid or whatever??  Nancy goes through all the kids in the Pre-school pic and discovers oh NO they all died in their sleep!  SHOCKER!  So yeah they're driving the pop-tart shows up in the middle of the street (Hello part 6 much)  They swerve off the road crash in a pond...survive stumble to the street..and hey whatta ya know its the damn pre-school!  They rummage through find the "cave" Find the pics of Nancy who was molested..oh darn the pop-tart really did it...not so innocent...Nancy decides shes gonna drag the pop-tart

out of her dream and kill him in "our" world.  Cuz yes yes she happened to have brought a piece of his sweater out of her dream while being cut up in the powder aisle in Rite Aid...Sigh What about the HAT??? the grey hair??...Quinton breaks a paper cutter and keeps the blade to kung fu fight the pop-tart.  At this point I'm now cringing, have thrown up in my mouth a lil and am praying for this movie to end SOON!  Lindsey has repeatidly told me to shhhhhh cuz I was having a meltdown..I contained myself and forced myself to finish this...She gets to the pop-tart blah and wtf??  Blood coming through the ceiling and her in a lil white dress that the pop tart states is his favorite So no blood oming up FROM the bed its going from the ceiling to the bed and then disappears! OMG make it stop!...and what the FUCK is the line "Your mouth says no but your body says yes"  after that I lost it...I literally said "I wanna go home" I can't take this.  I now have death gripped Lucifer my bunny, I'm nearly in the fetal position and yes my fat ass managed this in the theater chair...and lets not forget the classic chasing Nancy through the house goo filled stairs this time how about a mollases hallway instead where Nancy almost drowns and the pop-tart say "How's this for a wet dream?"  NO NO NO NO NO!!  Now I'm infuriated and start getting loud about it!  Lindsey again shut me up.  Omg..seriously nauseating...So the movie still isn't fucking over!!  Quinten gets slashed and nancy is in bed with the pop-tart...then quinten wakes up for some reason, stabs nancy with a shot of adrenaline in the chest she wakes up drags the pop tart out..fight fight blah quinton's about to die nancy cuts off freddys hand...ahhh....luke use the force...i am your  Then she says are ya ready??  oh yeah!  She slices the pop-tarts throat while saying "Welcome to my world bitch!"

So um lets see I think "welcome to prime time bitch?"  Were we like goin there with that?  Or was this just a terrible line?  So yay the pop-tarts dead lets burn him again!!  So Nancy drew and her Quinton never will be tarentino bf go off in the ambulance and aww the nightmare is over!  YES ITS FUCKING OVER I SAY! Noooo wasn't..fuuuuck....Nancy gets back home and her and mommy are all awww mommy i know you were just looking out for me and mommy is all yes honey blah pop-tart in the mirror!  Kills mommy stabs her through  the eyes...and drags her through the guess that was their attempt at the killing nancy's mommy and dragging her through the front door?  All in all this movie was one of the worst movies I have ever seen in my life.  I never actually have wanted to literally walk out on a movie.  I forced myself to finish it.  I love A nightmare on elm st (1984) so much and the entire series.

Love Robert Englund.

Love the cheesiness Love the originality of the movie and it's characters.

This movie never should have been re-made it's a classic.  Robert Shaye should be ashamed at himself for partaking in what was the biggest mistake of his producing career.  To think he was part of the original and still was a part of this travesty.

Craven and Englund I'm so grateful they had nothing to do with this.

That is my opinion.  Many will disagree and to be honest I don't give a fuck!  Those of you that know me and know my obsession with Freddy/Robert will understand.

 I DO recognize that this film was merely BASED on the original characters created by Wes Craven.  Yeah I'm being a bitch about it anyway!  Sometimes Keely doesn't like staying quiet in the corner.  Deal.

Onto other things now...if you're still here rock on.  I've recently moved back in with my old Roomates Steve and Lindsey.   After much discussing and I miss you's.  Life is back to normal for me.  I missed my room and my friends.  It was a decision that was not easy but was made.  I have all diff types of friends from all diff walks of life.  I had a pleasant stay with my friend Krista and will forever be grateful for that. =)

I will be starting to post more of my jewelery items on ETSY in the near future so keep an eye out.   Only another week to go til the Alice Cooper concert!  I'm so excited!!!

Good things are happening.  I'm still taking life one day at a time.  Job hunting, trying to quit smoking, trying to get in shape.  All things that take patience, and time.  I'm working on it and will continue to do so.  *Dances like snoopy*

Thanks to all those that appreciate my sense of humor and honesty.  xoxo.


1 comment:

  1. I loved your Re-cap!! I almost want to go see it so I can laugh as I remember this blog post. :)