At a loss...

Today was a bad day on all ends of the spectrum.  I'm not even sure where to begin...

I woke up today with a weekend hangover.  No alcohol involved just recovering from two very long nights...

The breakfast club was amazing!  I took my best friend Krista for the first time and we had soooo much fun.  The night started with much people watching anything from scary guido guys to scary girls resembling a whitesnake video.  Classic.  Funny as HELL!  The MJ impressionist was amazing!  He totally rocked the glitter glove, and danced the thriller dance to perfection!  EPIC!  LOL  I was impressed, and giggling the whole time.  Met some awesome people too, totally met Mclovin and justice for all (inside joke)  and BILLY! aka Jett...Super nice.  Then there's the mystery mowhawk dancer..cute as can be!  HahA!  Totally rocked the dance floor.  Oh yes...It was that awesome.  I danced the night away with my awesome friends, and we laughed and took some "bad" pics which are GREAT!  They're on my facebook take a peek!  So again the Breakfast club will be revisited in two weeks for yet another adventure! 

So back to my wakeup call today..I crawled out of bed and immedietly went to the coffee pot..little did I know what my day held out for me.  I was super excited I had called my dad in NY and confimred my stay with him and my stepmom.  I will be leaving Tues morning and staying in NY til Sunday.  I was soo excited!
I had a loooong time friend Scott whom I had caught up with via Facebook about a year ago...We were making plans to RAISE HELL together this week during my visit.  We both were really looking forward to catching up.  I haven't seen him in five years..I was all about him giving me a tour of my old stomping grounds in Tuxedo.  He was in a band called SO MUCH FACE and told me I might be able to catch a gig while I was in town.  I was soo looking forward to that.  I e-mailed him a few mins after I got off the phone with my dad to tell him I had set a date and would be there Tues.  Literally five mins later I received a message from my old friend Allison on Facebook asking me if I had heard about Scott?  I said no I just emailed him telling him I'm set for my visit.  She then told me he was found dead last night.  *pause*

It's still hard to believe this had happened.  I was told he was on life support and they are pulling the plug tomm.  She gave me her number to follow up on more details after I arrive.  I was and will forever be so grateful to her for thinking of me and letting me know the news.  After speaking with her for a few moments the reality had began to sink in and then the tears came.  My roommate (Steve) and Lindsey (his gf/my friend) Immedietly flew in my room and I told them what had happened and I was so thankful they were there for me.  I had to tell my mom and others what had happened, and was just in a fog for awhile.  This was someone I had known my whole life and was supposed to see in a few days......

Thankfully my friend Krista who is just amazing had invited me over and I drove there literally yelling and crying at the same time.  I arrived at her house and busted into tears again.  I'm a sensitive girl to begin with, I cry at Disney movies, so this was just a mess...I had cried myself beyond Alice Cooper eyes.  We spent the next few hours just talking about life in general, boys, and the next adventures at the Breakfast Club.  It was so nice to just feel welcome and to get out of my apartment for a lil.  Thank you so much Krista!

I had come home still in a daze about the whole thing, and trying to just relax.  I don't write about guys in my blog but this has to be said.  My boyfriend and I had a terrible arguement.  I was very upset over the news of my friend.  We argued and now after crying my eyes out over my lost friend, I'm now crying my eyes out over my lost boyfriend.  I don't even remember half of what I said because I was in such a state to begin with, all I know is it ended badly.  So now I'm beyond a wreck, life happens this too shall pass..however as for now I'm just a mess.  A total mess.  Which pisses me off to an extent because I try to be so strong, and here I am weak and crying...All I can say is I'm only human...

I am still going to NY I have my Erica there who I cannot say enough wonderful things about, my roomies feel like they know her already because I ramble about her ALL the time.  They have both invited her to stay and havent even met her yet!  Lindsey was picking out dates and flights, but I'm thinking she's gonna drive.  HaHa!  So yes My dear friend Erica and I will be reunited in a matter of days!  My old co-workers have been planning a dinner and reunion which is amazing.  It makes me feel so good to know these people are going out of their way just to hang out with me!  I love them!  I have heard that snow is expected on Weds, and I'm ok with that.  Lindsey is amazing and for a belated BDAY present surprised me with my Robert Englund book "HOLLYWOOD MONSTER"  I was like a five year old!!  So I'm all about cuddling up and reading that on my snow day of the trip!!!  =P  I'm also planning on going to Long Island for a day to spend with with sister Jennifer, her fiance Andrew and my niece Emily Rose.  I have only seen my niece once and it was for a matter of hours, so I'm very excited about being there! 

The trip is approx an 11-12 hr drive for me.  I've never driven it alone, but I'm looking forward to it.  I seriously need the time alone to think, and relax.  This trip will be very good for me.  I look forward to reconnecting with people and sharing my own stories.  I do know now that I will be attending the services for my friend Scott as soon as I find out the details.  =*(

With all this going on I've decided I'm going to try and quit smoking again.  I know with my emotions all over the place this is probably not a great idea.  I said try and thats all I can do. 

I'm hurting right now, and this pain will go away eventually....I can't help but think of my friend Brian that passed away years ago when I was 17.  It was SAT saturday, and I was waiting for my stepdad to come pick me up.  Brian was so cute I had such a crush on him.  He offered me a ride home, and I said no my stepdad will be here soon.  He said are you sure?  and the conversation went on like this for a few mins...but still I declined, eventhough I wanted nothing more than to go with him....Later that night he was killed in a car accident.....I often wonder if I took that ride what would have happened...the timing would have been different...Now I had plans to see Scott in a few days and now I'll never know what that reunion would've been like...what if I took my trip a week ago?  All in all I'll never know the answers.  All things happen for a reason....

I'm grateful to those who were here for me today on all accounts, and weren't worried about giving me a hug while I smudged runny eyeliner on their shoulder.  That meant so much to me.

Tomm I will be spending my day running errands, and packing for my trip.  I love when i get to use my green polka dot suitcase!  Wee!  If anyone is reading this that is an old friend of mine in NY that I have not been in touch with please hit me up and lets do COFFEE!!  I've been a little out of it with losing my job, my friend, and boyfriend all within a matter of days...so bare with me on this...I promise I'm still KEELY KAT! 

So now it is time for me to finally get some well needed sleep.  I can only hope that tomm is a better day, and I'll be smiling.  Maybe.  I'm hoping to anyway. 

~Keely Kat

~No pictures in tonights blog...the words say enough~

I love this song....

Imperfection by: Saving Jane

My hair's a wreck


Mascara runs

My feet get dirty

And my skin burns in the sun.

My lips they bleed

But I still sing my songs.

Takes me a minute

To admit it when I'm wrong.



Pretty is as pretty does,

But pretty's not my thing.



This is what you get.

This is who I am.

Take me now or leave me

Any way you can.

Sometimes I trip and fall

But I know where I stand.

And if you're thinking about changing my direction,

Don't mess with imperfection.



My back is weak,

But my will is true.

Got good intentions

But I never follow through.

I say too much,

And don't know when to leave.

In case you're looking,

That's my heart there on my sleeve.



Ego trips and stupid slip ups,

I'm a mess but



This is what you get.

This is who I am.

Take me now or leave me

Any way you can.

Sometimes I trip and fall

But I know where I stand.

And if you're thinking about changing my direction,

Don't mess with imperfection.



Scratched and bruised,

A little used,

But baby I work fine.

You might call me

Damaged goods,

But I'm one of a kind.



My hair's a wreck,

No I'm not perfect

But I'm not the only one.



This is what you get.

This is who I am.

Take me now or leave me

Any way you can.

Sometimes I trip and fall

But I know where I stand.

And if you're thinking about changing my direction,

Don't mess with imperfection.

This is who I am.

After if you're thinking about changing my direction,

Don't mess with imperfection