Well it's a new year and already I'm overwhelmed. I've made it a point to make this my year. I'm changing my life. It's the hardest thing I've ever built up the courage to do in my 32 yrs on this planet.
Some say you have to hit rock bottom before you realize you need to make a change. I my friends hit rock bottom...hard. A few days ago I was sitting at my desk, quietly tapping away at my work...Then the room started spinning, my palms got sweaty, and I almost passed out. I closed my eyes and took a breath, just told myself to stay calm and relax, this will pass...it didn't...I was feeling flushed, and went to get some air. I grabbed my cellphone and called my mom..She stated DRINK A COKE! Believing this to be a diabetic issue and my sugar had dropped. I drank the coke (ew I despise regular soda) and I felt a little better. I was still shaking though. I made the decision to call my Dr. I called and made an appt for that afternoon, not caring that it was only my third day "live" on the phones at the recent "Temp" job I'm working...I called a dear friend who thankfully was able to drive me. I was too dizzy to make it..
So I'm embarrassed..I had not taken my Diabetes meds in over three months, believing there was nothing wrong with me and I didn't need them. I get on the scale and surprise surprise I gained ten pounds. I see the Dr..How embarrassing is this? I used to work in this office for years...and now I'm on the other side the dumbass that's rotting away and killing herself because she doesn't take her medicine nor does she take care of her life! I used to roll my eyes at people like me, saying how do you leave your house like that?
Again..rock bottom..
Now I sat there..No health insurance, blood pressure high, sugar level high, gained 10 lbs, wheezing all over the place, still smoking cigarettes....After the Dr. whom was very nice btw..gave me some meds for the cough and wheeze, and a blood meter to keep track of my sugar levels. He looked me straight in the eyes and said "Keely...*pause* Take care of yourself"....I will never forget those words....Reality slapped me in the face...I'm going to be 33 in a week and I'm falling apart....
Soooooooo after filling my RX, I drove home smoked my last cig listening to "Rainy Monday" Shiny Toy Guns...and decided right there at that moment with tears falling down my face that I had to change my life....
I hated that I had gotten to this point. I knew everything I did was wrong. Smoking a half a pack of cig's sitting on the couch eating M&M's at 11:30 at night....I was just in the mind set..eh I'm fine, nothing wrong with me...
It's still a very new change, and I'm baby stepping my way into a new life...Not just a life where I can breathe without toxins infecting my lungs every few mins on the couch...but a healthy life...a life where I eat "real" food, and I workout because I want to..not because I'm forced too...
I have gone over 48 hours no cig, easy, not at all cried last night, I've become bitter as hell, I'm depressed, and yet I know this time next week I'll be so proud of myself for getting that far I'll be dancing like snoopy! I keep telling myself you are going to amaze yourself. You tell everyone this is going to be your year, FUCKING DO IT!
So yes I've cut out soda, and a LOT of carbs, I'm drinking lots and lots of water, and researching researching and talking talking to some awesome friends that really know how to take care of themselves and eat "Real" food. It's amazing, how much better one feels after just learning a few things...
So the battle continues...I won $10 in Target gift cards at work today, apparently I did something right, lol. I went to Target and bought a workout DVD with my gift cards. Came home and tried it..well needless to say I watched most of it sitting on my ass, and the parts I tried well it was a site! I giggled a lot and said to myself, baby steps honey baby steps...give it a few weeks and you'll get this shit down! So Yes I'm going to put my stubborn irish girl attitude to the test, and get this shit GOING! Woot!
After all I'm going to be 33 in a week, I'm single, and my life's an open book. Time to make things happen!
I liked this note, had a happy ending =) maybe I'll write more notes..lol!
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